After Divorce: Dating Dilemmas

by Sara Davison

 

Sara Davison is an expert life, business, break-up and divorce coach whose own personal experience led to her creating a unique divorce coaching programme which supports individuals with the tools, techniques and advice needed with the journey through break-up and divorce. Here she talks about dating after divorce.

 


Dating again can be an extremely daunting prospect after a marriage ends. It’s something you probably never imagined you would find yourself considering again and the very thought of it can be frightening. If the last time you went on a date was many years ago you will have many unanswered questions such as:

Be sure of yourself, and then find it and keep it

  • How do I meet like-minded people?
  • Will it be awkward or embarrassing?
  • How does it all work these days?
  • Are there any dating dos and don’ts?
  • How do I know if I am ready to date yet?
  • What will my family and friends think?
  • Will I ever find love again?

 

These are very normal questions to ask and it is very common to find yourself struggling with the concept of dating, even though you would very much like to find someone new to share your life with.

This first step is to get clear about whether you are ready to start dating yet. For some of you it will take longer to heal from your last relationship than others.

You need to get to a strong enough emotional position that you have something positive to offer a new partner.

Although, be honest with yourself as there is a fine line between feeling you may be ready to dip your toe in the dating game, and hanging on to the past so that you don’t have to face the challenge of meeting someone new.

Be brave as this could be the door to a whole new happy future for yourself and you don’t have to jump right into dating you can take it very slowly.

If you are unsure whether you are over your last partner then check out my new app “7 Steps to a Better Break-Up” designed to help you cope better when your relationship comes to an end. You will be able to get clarity on whether you are ready to start dating again.

Dating online like with Mature Match means that it is a lot easier to meet like-minded people in a similar situation to you than ever before. You can date from the comfort of your own home without the need to dress up or even meet them face to face! You can start a conversation online with someone with whom you feel you may have things in common. You can take your time to get to know them and only move things forward as and when you feel comfortable to do so.

There are lots of people dating again later in life now. In fact, the number of grooms in their late sixties increased by 25% (2011-12) while brides of the same age went up by 21%.

One in 10 had been single, two-thirds divorced, and the rest widowed before tying the knot. So you are not alone and it is now widely accepted that dating has no age limit so there is absolutely no need to feel awkward or embarrassed about it.

Of course your family and friends may find it a little uncomfortable if they are used to seeing you with your ex. However, it is your life and it is for you to make your own decisions. Be sensitive to others’ feelings and also your ex-partner if they are not ready to move on yet. You don’t have to parade your new date around in front of them but don’t let other people’s issues get in the way of you finding happiness with someone else.

When you are selecting a potential partner have a good think about what went wrong in your previous relationships. Make sure you learn from your past mistakes so you don’t repeat the same patterns.

Be open minded to trying out someone who looks a little different from your usual type. Don't let people and circumstances stop you

Here are my top 7 dos and don’ts of mature online dating:

  1. Make sure you speak to your date on the phone before you arrange to meet with them. You can tell a lot more about a person when you hear their voice and listen to what they have to say than you can from a photo and a profile online.
  2. Always tell a friend who you are meeting and where.
  3. Arrange to meet in a public place and not at your home or theirs
  4. Arrange to meet for a drink on the first date rather than dinner. This way you can make you are not committed to staying long if you don’t feel there is a connection
  5. Have a think about some things you would like to chat about so you can keep the conversation flowing
  6. Don’t talk about your ex on the first date. Nobody wants to hear a sob story.
  7. Be yourself. There is no point pretending to be someone you are not as the relationship will not be based on truth and honesty and will have less of a chance of working out in the long run.

 

Dating can be a fun and exciting stepping stone to take you forward into your new future. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself to meet Mr or Mrs Right. You may have to go on a few dates until you start to understand how it all works and what you really are looking for. Remember that statistics show that there are lots of people who have gone on to be even happier with a new partner found later in life. That could be you…


 

Life and Divorce CoachFind out more about Sara Davison's proven methods and techniques, coaching and personal advice on dealing with the ups and downs of divorce through SaraDavison.com Or read more on her blog, and follow her on Facebook and Twitter.

Check out her new app ‘7 Steps to a better Break up’, designed to help you cope better when your relationship comes to an end.